Understanding Why We Complain About Others


Complaints are a part of our daily lives. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or within families, people often find themselves upset or dissatisfied with others. But have we ever paused to ask why we rarely complain about ourselves and so easily find faults in others? Let’s explore this deeper.

Why We Don’t See Our Own Mistakes

Humans have a natural tendency to overlook their own flaws. It’s difficult for most of us to identify and accept our own mistakes. As a result, we are quicker to notice shortcomings in others rather than in ourselves. This limited self-awareness is one of the key reasons why complaints are usually directed outward rather than inward.

The Two Main Reasons Behind Complaints

When we break down the root causes of complaints, they generally arise due to two major reasons:

1. Unmet Expectations

We often set high expectations for the people around us — expecting them to behave, react, or perform in ways that align with our own standards. When these expectations are not met, disappointment follows, leading to complaints. Expectations, when not managed properly, can become the biggest source of dissatisfaction.

2. Differences in Thoughts and Values

Another reason complaints arise is when there is a mismatch in thoughts, beliefs, or values between two individuals. When two people cannot align mentally or emotionally, friction is bound to happen, and with it comes dissatisfaction and criticism.

Understanding Through an Analogy

Consider this: a horse and a donkey cannot run at the same speed. If the donkey complains that the horse is running too fast, or if the horse criticizes the donkey for being slow, it would seem absurd. They are built differently, meant for different purposes. Similarly, in human relationships, it is unrealistic and unfair to expect everyone to be alike. Complaining about these inherent differences serves no real purpose.

The Role of Understanding in Reducing Complaints

Rather than rushing to judge or complain, building understanding is key. If we make an effort to truly understand another person's perspective, background, and limitations, the reasons for complaints diminish significantly. However, many find it easier to complain rather than take the time and effort to understand. 

When understanding is absent, relationships — whether friendships, family bonds, or professional connections — begin to weaken. In fact, in many cases, constant complaints without efforts at understanding are a major reason why relationships deteriorate over time.

Shift the Focus: Complain to Yourself First

The healthier approach is to look inward before pointing fingers outward. Before complaining about others, ask yourself: "Is there something I can improve within myself"? When we start identifying and working on our own mistakes, we naturally develop more empathy for others and feel less inclined to criticize them.

Everyone carries flaws. No one is perfect — not us, not others. Recognizing this fundamental truth helps in building stronger, more compassionate relationships.

Conclusion: Build Relationships, Minimize Complaints

Life becomes easier and more beautiful when we focus on maintaining relationships rather than constantly picking faults. Relationships thrive not by seeking perfection in others, but by accepting differences and practicing patience. 

By keeping complaints to a minimum and promoting understanding, we create a more harmonious environment for ourselves and everyone around us. Let’s strive to move forward with empathy, patience, and a commitment to strengthen the bonds we share with others.

C. P. Kumar
Energy Healer & Blogger

Amazon Books by C. P. Kumar: https://amazon.com/author/cpkumar/
YouTube Channel of C. P. Kumar: https://www.youtube.com/@cpkumar2022
Spiritual and Social Books by C. P. Kumar: http://cpkumar.lovestoblog.com/bookmarks.html

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